Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
