We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
These tits shall not be calmed
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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