Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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