dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
