my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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