Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
