My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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