I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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