I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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