You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
