I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
