A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
