So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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