awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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