My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's blow job season.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
