my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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