I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
