so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
