I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
