The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
how drunk are you?
Several
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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