Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
