Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
