I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
