Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
