I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
