Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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