I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
