His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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