the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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