I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
