i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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