i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize