We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
