i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
