Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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