We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
