Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
