I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
