we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
