Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
