all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
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i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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