Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
