I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
