what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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