No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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