She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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