Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My ass is underappreciated
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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