I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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