It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
