I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
