Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
