You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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