Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize