Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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