I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
