butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
