I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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