Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
