Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
